Practical Self Love
What is Self Love?
Inner peace is the ultimate goal of self love. Self love is both an action and a state of being. These principles and practices will help guide you there. And once you are there - ironically, you will have more love for others because you are in a state of peace and wholeness, needing nothing more.
It’s Peaceful
The true essence of the feminine is peace. It’s a state of being that is not striving or distracted but fully present. This is your indication of things being in alignment. Take an internal inventory, where are you at peace in your life? And where are you not? What do you not like about yourself? This is where your self love work lies.
It Has Integrity
Where does the friction lie between what you say you want versus what you actually do - this teaches you a lot about how you take care of yourself. If you say you want more energy for creative projects but you go to bed late, eat poorly and spend your free time on netflix maybe there’s self healing work to do to overcome self sabotage and get into integrity.
It’s Fully Committed
There’s a lot of pain in limbo, fear, hesitation or shame. With gentle acceptance of what is you can gradually shift out of emotional turmoil and into the freedom of full commitment. This keeps you on your path to your vision and pulls you through the hardships of life with purpose and passion.
It’s Unconditional
Remember - true love is kind. It’s non judging, it’s patient. Don’t waste good years on bad love (with yourself). Start small, nurture yourself in moments you would usually beat yourself up. To call upon this essence bring to mind the little girl version of you and the wise old grandma version of you. How would you love them?
Journal Practice
These journalling questions are an act of tough love. They will re-align you with your true needs and desires so you can experience more inner peace. When we are in less conflict with ourselves our whole system can function more harmoniously. This could mean our hormones become more balanced, we become more confident and therefore radiant and magnetic. Self love work is really just healing work that leads to more inner peace. This is both courageous and rebellious in a capitalistic world that is designed to make you feel insecure. To feel feel calm, secure and at peace requires you to first be very honest, patient and kind. Before doing these exercises make sure your nervous system is regulated and imagine you have the wise old grandma version of yourself by your side so you can do these practices with a sense of gentle acceptance of what is and what could be.
1) To find out where you at not at peace inside yourself write down everything you dislike about yourself. No one ever needs to see this list - it’s just for you. It can be about how you look, how you spend your time, mistakes you’ve made - it doesn’t matter, just be honest with yourself, and be gentle. Awareness starts the healing. Then go through the list and decide to either make peace with each item or decide to change it, no matter how long it takes. For example: I hate my old tattoo - I’m not going to get it removed anytime soon so I will accept it. I hate that I’m disorganized - I can change this, it will bring me more peace.
2) Now it’s time to look at what you say you want and what you actually do about it. The masculine side within you creates the container and conditions for you to experience your peace and the masculine energy works in action. Write a list about what you say you want, and what you’re doing about it. Do they match? For example: I want to retire early - are you saving?
3) What is the fully committed version of yourself like? What would that version of yourself do? This is a simple visualization. Choose one item that you know you want, that would bring you inner peace. Now imagine yourself fully committing to this reality 100%. Imagine you are 100% committed to retiring early - how does that version of you act? What does that version of you do?
4) Lastly, begin practicing unconditional love in every passing moment. Imagine the little girl version of yourself - how did she want to be loved? How would you show her love? What about the sweet old grandma version of yourself - write a list of the ways you would show love to a small child, or wise elder that you deeply respected and cherished. This list is how you’ll show it to yourself now too.
Next Steps
Now that you know more about yourself, your needs and your desires these baby steps will move you forward in your practical self love practice. Daily morning practice - set the tone for your day before you engage with anyone else. Greet yourself when you wake up like you would greet a loved one. Say hello, take 3 deep breaths and promise to take the best care of yourself for the rest of the day. Investigate the fears, beliefs and needs that are interfering with what you say you actually want. Ask yourself all the reasons you DON’T want what you think you want. This is your shadow work. Sometimes you can say you want more money but what you really want is security and to be valued and somewhere deep down you have a belief that rich people are actually unhappy and have no time. This may cause you to self sabotage, or prioritize your need for security by spending more time with family that feels secure rather than job opportunities because you think investing in the job may jeopardize the security you already have. It’s backwards but the mind is not geared towards thriving, it’s geared towards comfort and survival so you need to continually reprogram your mind with the help of your tools. Use nervous system regulation tools to create safety in your body as often as possible. There are lots in The Well. Understand your biological cycles so you know how to best support your body, mind and energy as your physiology changes throughout the month. This self knowledge allows your self care practice to ebb and flow with your true needs. It also allows you all the time you need to both work towards growth and achieving what you want and also to heal from old wounds or current stress. You can deep dive into self care practices for inner alignment in The Well.
